Underestimated Fate
by klcm
Summary: Because of Garcia, Morgan gets seriously hurt. The only way of helping is running as soon as she gets the chance. No one would want her after what she had done to him but that's her biggest mistake because Morgan see's it as their fate sealed perfectly
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

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Entirety. Ardour. Love. Hope. Essence. Pure. Whole. Adoration. Friendship. Passion. Affection. Commitment. Devotion. Family. Future. All those words seemed irrelevant in her heart as she watched him. None of them a forethought, yes they were there, but what was the point of wishing for things when the man you thought those things for was hanging on the abyss of life? When it was all your fault that he was there, hurt, beaten, attacked, fragile.

Fragile. A word she would never place with him, a word that didn't even enter her mind when she thought of him but now, now it was the only thing she could think of and it was her fault. It was her fault that she had taken away his whole essence of being the FBI's macho man, it was her fault that he was singled out and all because of a misunderstanding, he would never see her in the way the monster that she had brought saw it.

She looked down at his body again while she waited for the roar of sirens, she hated it, she was hating herself for not getting rid of the man behind this, for not pushing the monster out of her life harder and now just like her past, her best friend was laying there dying, right in her hands and there was absolutely nothing she could do but watch.

She mentally surveyed what damage she had earned herself. It was as bad as last time, no, scratch that, it was worse; she was violated in so many ways. This time though she was stronger, she'd beaten him but looking into the future, it wouldn't be the same. She couldn't stick around her best friend, her love, her heart, her everything, not with this stuck between them. The monster was gone, but not without taken her comfort away from her.

So was she the monster here or the victim much like he was? So she'd been hurt, but he was worse than her and the culprit well he was in his own way a victim, just a dead one at that.

It was then the decision slotted into her head. She was a killer. In the eye of the law she would be perceived a type of hero, self defence called for the heroic act. But to her she wasn't. She was capable of killing a human, a living breathing human and because of that she knew she'd be capable of doing it again, it would be part of her. Ingrained into her.

She had no future being around the man in her hands, and as hard as it was to admit, she needed to leave. She would be hated by his family, their family, it was her fault afterward.

Fate wouldn't be kind and let this be okay, so she'd leave and start anew. She snapped out of her trance like state as he groaned and consciousness allowed him to open his eyes.

For now she'd be Penelope Garcia, his baby girl, his best friend. Later she'd be his nothing.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

_**A/N:**_ I know it's a 3rd new story, but my muse is really annoying me and new stories seem to get done in bundles so here's the final new one until I kind of catch up on myself!

I hope you enjoy!


	2. Introduction To Evil

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

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_So, I guess you'd love to know how that all planned out? If I really did run? If I did just forget about him because he'd hate me? Well I'll tell you what led up to it and then maybe you'll understand just why I chose the course of action I did._

_Let's start from the beginning, exactly 5 weeks, 2 days, 17 hours, 54 minutes and 02 seconds..._

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

Garcia walked into work, the hairs on the back of her neck would not settle down. Something bad was coming; she didn't know what, she didn't know when, she just knew that it would happen so and as she turned the corner, there it was.

She halted as she saw a tall man, with the same haircut that he had 15 years ago, she felt her stomach turn, images from her past floated into her mind, allowing them to blur her vision. She took the easy route at that time and ducked into her office.

Her breathing faltered and fell into a normal rhythm, she had to be seeing things, he could not be here, not now, not ever. For now she settled into her work, if the team needed her, they'd have to come here. It didn't take long before a familiar ratta-tat-tat of one Derek Morgan came from the door.

'Enter oh handsome one and please my eyes.'

'You baby girl, are sinful.'

'Mm, much like you are you mean?' She asked and flashed him a smile, she'd forever be grateful to him, he'd picked the pieces up of her life when Kevin left, he was there ready with take out, or a film, or the tissues he knew she'd need and he healed her, made her think ahead, rather than to Kevin.

'How's my mama doing this morning?'

'She _was_ doing okay.'

He frowned, not liking the sound of that sentence. 'Was? What changed from getting that fine body up to getting to work?'

'A certain man talking to Hotch and Rossi earlier, I just know him.'

'Oh, erm, yeah him, Penelope he was asking after you.' Derek told her, a little withdrawn. 'He's coming back at lunch to meet you, said you were an old flame.'

'No!' Penelope said and felt the blood run from her face, she saw Derek flinched. 'No, he can't, no I don't want to see him.'

'Well okay, we'll get rid of him.' He saw her look undeterred. 'Or I will.' He saw her relax slightly and then he approached her. 'What's up? Why won't you see him? He said he's travelled from California to see you.'

'Difficult past, I just don't want him around me.' Penelope replied bitterly, almost scared. 'I'd just rather not have my past clash with my present.'

'Wanna talk about it?'

'Not really.' She replied biting her lip in hesitation. 'I would but...'

'Whenever you need me baby, I'll be ready to listen.' Derek told her understanding immediately.

'You're the best you know that?'

'I try.' He said with a smile. 'Now come on, team briefing.' He said and waited for her before taking the lead to the conference room. By the end of it Penelope gulped loudly, the team had to go off to Wisconsin, leaving her behind. Still she had at least 3 hours to lap up their presence before lunch hit and she had to turn down the man from earlier.

When the clock hit lunchtime, she was perched on Derek's desk, his hands on her legs, their conversation laughable, animated, enjoyable to watch. She looked up and lost her laugh midway through.

'I'll go.' Derek said getting up.

'No, I'll go.' She said and gulped again, she seemed to be doing that too much since the briefing and she didn't like it. Call it superstition or not, gulping, the hairs sticking up, they told her bad was coming and as she went to the glass door she knew she was in its presence.

'Penny!' The man exclaimed loudly and excited.

'Doug...' She replied, nowhere near as exuberant.

He eyed her over. 'Seem I should've snapped you up years ago.'

'Hmm, maybe but you lost your chance the day you let yourself hurt me.'

'Is it always going to come down to this?'

She laughed in disbelief. 'Yes.' She snapped pointedly. 'What do you want?'

'Lunch.'

'No.'

'Is your boyfriend taking you out?' She asked, suggesting to Derek. 'He looks ready.'

'No he isn't.' She didn't rectify that her and Derek Morgan were not involved that way. 'Leave. Please.'

'Not until you go to lunch with me.'

'I'll strike a deal. One lunch, and you leave.' He smirked, nodded and watched her walk in and talk to Derek, he saw her walk back determined and he knew she was different from the last time. He wouldn't get to push her about the same way as before. He was going to have to work.

He even thought that as he watched her over lunch no more than 20 minutes later. 'So why are you here? How did you find me?'

'I will always find you Penelope; I'm still in love with you.' He smirked again, a scary twist of his lips. 'It's like an internal navigation.'

'That's taken you... huh... 15 years to access the use of?'

He winced. 'Don't back chat to me.'

'Or what? You'll use some force? Assert some authority?'

'No.' He told her in a low voice. 'That's not me.' He watched her laugh again as she took a sip. 'I'm not like that anymore Penny.'

'Forgive me if I don't believe you.'

'Well don't but I am... just tell me how involved you are with that black man.'

'And that's your business because?'

'I just like to know what's happening in the life of an ex-fiancée.'

'Well at least you got your terminology right.' She snorted at him. 'I don't have to tell you anything Doug, my life back then was with you, now it's not. So eat and get the hell out of my life.'

Penelope sipped her drink, and as she looked forward she knew she was eating with the devil. The one from the fiery depths of hell but this time, he'd be gone, or it'd finish her.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

_So you've met him. Doug Callahan. The spawn of the devil himself, I've checked for a 666 birthmark or tattoo, I came up empty._

_I'm stronger than I was; he feeds off pity, off neglect, off vulnerability. _

_This time I'll win. Evil doesn't win all the time; my job has taught me that._

_This person will be no different to an Unsub of a case. _

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

**A/N**: So I'm taking a different route with this story! Penelope's thoughts will be either end of the proper chapter... I hope you enjoy!


	3. Giving The Real Deal

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

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_Well ironically it wasn't until the 6__th__ day that Doug turned up. 6 has quite a connection with this guy._

_Smarmy, smarmy man, turned up with a bunch of flowers. My favourites. Why the hell I hadn't changed that over these 15 years?_

_Well let's just say my deal with the devil got broken. I may have well have just sold my soul to him at that lunch._

_At least this time he might have left me be if he had the essence that was me._

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

'Are you a retard or were you born mentally impaired?' Penelope berated loudly, annoyance so thick in her voice it made even Derek flinch. 'I told you one lunch and you'd never come near me again!'

'You didn't give me a time limit on that again; I thought it was a 24 hour thing.'

'You are unbelievable you know that!'

'Hey baby girl, what's up?' Derek said approaching, gaining his protective aura.

'Oh the boyfriend steps in finally.'

Derek looked at Penelope, who pleaded with her eyes at him. 'What you mean finally? I try to allow Penelope the distance she needs to stand up for herself but you've become a nuisance. Now it's my turn to step up.'

'Well, well, well isn't that just lovely. I'd clap at your lovey-dovey-ness if it wasn't for this big bunch of flowers I came with.' He said emphasising the fact that he was holding an array of different flowers.

'I'll take them.' Derek said pulling them from Doug's grasp. 'I make sure they find a bin okay.' He smiled sweetly. 'Now I think you should leave.' He then took a step closer to Doug, placing himself between him and Penelope. 'You come near Penelope again and I'll personally find a way that you don't bother her again.'

'Is that a threat?'

'Depends how you take it, now leave before I get security.'

'Fine I'm going.' Doug said and blew a kiss towards Penelope before marching towards the stairs and leaving. Derek turned to Penelope, and he noticed how she wouldn't look him in the eyes.

'What was that about? Why is he bothering you again?'

'I don't know but he won't come back.'

'And if he does...' Derek stepped closer to Penelope. 'Will I get to play boyfriend again?'

'If you want to.'

'I don't.' Derek said with an emotionless face and Penelope's body shook with fear of thinking of a new plan. 'I'd rather be your boyfriend baby girl.' He said taking her hand and pulling her into her office. 'I'm fed up of this Penelope.'

'Pardon?'

'You, me, it's a mutual pull.' He told her with a smirk. 'You love me; I love you, what's left to say.'

'Y-you love me?'

'In love.' Derek told her. 'You're everything I've needed and you've been under my nose all along, right here and I've taken you for granted.' He then kissed her and pulled back. 'I've never had ulterior motives and I wanted you heal after Kevin.'

'And you helped me.' Penelope told him with a smile. 'And I feel in love with you more.'

'They both laughed, the smile sticking on Derek's face. 'So it's settled.' He told her. 'I'm taking you out for a date tonight goddess.'

'Oh yeah? So soon?'

'Yes so soon. Be ready by 8, dressed to impressed.' He told her, kissed her again, longer this time and left with a self assured swagger. Penelope just watched him disappear and sunk into her chair.

'Did that just happen?' She said out loud, completely dazed by the moment.

'Oh it did.' Derek told her from the doorway. 'I forgot something.' He then approached her, pulled her up and kissed her. 'Damn! Why did I wait so long?' This time he left Penelope even more dazed than before.

That night when the knock on the door came Penelope knew she wasn't ready. She'd changed her dress at least 5 times and now as she fluttered around in a red number she felt flustered. She yanked the door open and looked at Derek Morgan, standing there in a tux, never looking better.

'Wow.' He breathed out as he looked at her. 'You look...'

'A mess?' She asked.

'Breathtakingly beautiful.' He told her forcefully. 'Why would you look a mess exactly?'

'I've changed my clothes so many times.' She said bashfully. 'Nothing feels right.'

'Well I'm telling you, you look gorgeous so come on m'lady I want to sweep you off your feet.' She giggled and before she knew it she was caught up in a whirlwind and whisked off to the restaurant. Penelope pulled back when they arrived. 'What's up?'

'This is way too expensive Derek. Much too expensive!'

'Na uh! Come on.' He told her and pulled her in, halting at the host stand. 'I have reservations for two under the name of Derek Morgan.'

The hostess looked over the list and smiled. 'Right this way Mr Morgan.' He smiled back and followed the woman to a table by the window, a view to die for, and all the privacy necessary without being shut away. 'Here's your table, your waiter will be over soon.'

The pair sat down and Penelope couldn't help but smile at Derek. 'You're quite a romantic.'

'Only when the girls special.' He smiled at her. 'Now do you want to order or shall I go for the more dominant and order what I think you'll like... they do the best gourmet burgers here.'

'Oh! You've been here before?' Penelope said a little flushed.

'Yes I have but not with any girl.' He told her knowing where her train of thought was going. 'I brought my mom and sisters here for my mom's birthday... I wouldn't bring you here if I'd brought some other girl baby.'

'I'm sorry...' She paused. 'For jumping to conclusions.' She told him looking down ashamed. 'It's just I'm what you call unlucky in love, and this, us, it pushes our boundaries out.'

'I'm not going to break your heart Pen.' She laughed slightly in disbelief. 'I wouldn't do that to you, not after Kevin.'

'I know but you and me, we're not the best looking couple.'

'Who says?'

'Derek, you're supposed to be with some smoking hot, stick thin, brunette...'

'Well that's a shame I like stunningly beautiful curvy blondes then isn't it?' He said to her with a smile. 'Now if it comes to it, I'll prove to you how much I love you and how serious I want to be, but for now I want to enjoy the first date with my girlfriend.'

'Sorry.'

'Don't worry about it.' He told her, placing his hand on hers. 'Now who's the man that keeps hanging around?'

'Do we have to discuss that now?'

'Yes because he just walked in, and headed to the bar.'

Penelope whitened and turned stiffly in her seat. 'Did he see us?'

'I don't think so... who is he Penelope?'

'His names Doug...'

'And he just left.' Derek told her to relax her and saw her needed to push the conversation away from that area of conversation. 'He isn't any of our worry, it's just you and me tonight baby.' Penelope nodded. 'So what do you want to drink?'

And just like that Penelope's mind went somewhere else for moments at a time, making everything speed up so much so that she stepped back into reality just as Derek parked up outside her apartment block.

'Walk me to the door?'

'Was my plan.' He told her and got out and ran around to her side of the SUV, opened the door and took her hand as she got out, they walked up to the door hand in hand, joking as they went. 'Thank you for tonight.'

'Why are you thanking me? Shouldn't it be the other way around?'

'I got a date with my baby girl, that'll make any man a happier man.' He told her as he stopped at her door.

'Do you want to come in?' She asked with a smile. 'Or are we keeping this strictly PG-13?'

'I'm doing this properly baby girl.' He told her with a quick kiss. 'As much as I could kiss you and take you to bed right now I want to do this properly.'

'Oh does that mean I'll be wooed?'

'I'm making it part of my charm.'

'Hmm well you better go then.' She heard the growl in his chest and giggled. 'Thank you for tonight, I loved it.'

'Any time baby girl.' He kissed her and watched her enter her apartment. He ran a hand over his face, smiling brightly and then left, looking forward to work the next day.

Penelope walked in; this night could just be _the _best night of her life. It faltered when she turned the light on and she turned.

'Fuck!' She jumped. 'How did you get in here?' She asked bitterly as she approached the couch. 'No wait! Don't even answer that! Just leave!'

Doug stood up. 'I'm just happy to get this view in before I have to leave. Do I have to leave? Really?'

'Yes, yes you do. Derek's close how about I give him call?' She grabbed her purse only to have Doug grab her wrist. 'Get off me!'

'We can have a bit of fun can't we? For old time sakes... Right?'

She ripped her hand away aggressively. 'Get the hell out of my apartment!' Penelope said and forced him to the door. Once she was successful in getting him out.

She stared at the now locked door. That was too easy.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

_It was too easy. Much too easy._

_I guess some things from the past stuck and some things didn't._

_I'll be truthful with you now. Me and Doug were what you would call Childhood Sweetheart. Don't swoon and aw at that please. _

_He changed._

_He was nice, caring, loving, giving, devoted, honest, committed. Take notice of that_ was_ there please._

_I'm going to string Doug along, let him believe that Derek is mine, all mine because that is the truth now, isn't it? Maybe now's the time to tell Derek about Doug and hope he'll still want me, or to help me. _

_Or at least I hope he will._

_Deep breath._

_Truths can never hurt those that we love. Right?_

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-


	4. Grand Telling

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

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_So it marked him. Him grabbing me gave me a mark, one that I had kept well hidden until Derek caught a glimpse of it and that was it._

_He went AWOL. Literally._

_I calmed him, Doug didn't come back._

_So we sorted our other problems out. We spoke to Hotch and Rossi together, Rossi frogmarched to Strauss and by some miracle the ice queen granted out relationship okay under the deal that we didn't show it up at work._

_Well I wouldn't change all my Penelope ways now would I? Nicknames and shameless flirty came from day one... why disappoint with taking that away, eh?_

_Doug didn't come back for a least 3 weeks, Derek didn't pressurize me to talk about Doug but now, now's the time. _

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

Penelope was walking up the apartment, near enough wrapped around Derek's right hand, totally absorbed in him. 'So let me get this right, you nearly burnt the house down and your mom still gets Christmas cards?' She laughed.

'Yup.' He said pointedly. 'I was kid!' He then defended and saw the look in Penelope eyes. 'I love you.' He kissed her as she dug blindly for the keys.

'Mm, now are we still keeping this PG-13, or do I get to invite you in tonight?' She asked him.

'Let's go the adult route shall we?' He teased her as she opened her door and he pinched her bum, she yelped then giggled as they entered the apartment. 'Drink?' She asked as she turned lights on.

'Yeah, whatever you're having baby.' Penelope halted still when she heard a noise, frozen at the noise. 'What's up?'

'Can't you hear that?' She asked and pointed towards her bathroom. 'Someone's in there.'

That was when Derek heard singing as the sound of running water stopped and toilet flushed, the door opened and Doug wandered out. 'Oh! Penny you're home! I ordered too much take out, left it in the fridge just in case.'

'Doug!' Penelope gasped and looked at Derek worriedly.

'What's going on here?' Derek asked fuming, unknown if at Penelope or Doug. 'What are you doing here?'

'Oh Penny asked me stay with her.'

'She did what?' Derek burst out.

'The hell I did!' Penelope said in an aggressive growl. 'I chucked you out of here nearly 4 weeks ago! How did you get in this time?'

'Penny you gave me a key.'

'Stop calling me Penny! I don't want you around here! Get the hell out of here!' Penelope said forgetting Derek was there, he was slightly taken back by her anger, it was a rarity to see and it wasn't the sight you wanted when you knew Penelope as the kind light hearted loveable woman of the BAU. He watched her approach him pointing an accusatory finger at him. 'I should be in the right mind to call the police! Heck I don't need to I have an FBI agent standing behind me! If you don't get out of my apartment and out of my life in the next 30 seconds I won't be held responsible for my actions.'

Doug smirked at her. 'Much like me you mean?'

Penelope saw red in that instance. 'Yes just like you! You should've been locked up for what you did! I've seen monsters like you chucked into jail for life, you think just 'cause I didn't get the chance to send you down last time that I won't? Where there's a will there's a way Doug.'

'Look at you Penelope Garcia, sticking up for herself. It's a sight to behold really it is.'

'Yeah well living with you taught me that evil lives in close domains.' She snapped at him. 'Now get out!'

'Let me do the honours.' Derek piped out after staying quiet, anger bubbling in him at what he had just witnessed, his mind making a list to boost up Penelope's safety. He stepped in and grabbed Doug's shirt collar. 'I really don't like you and if you don't leave my girlfriend alone I'll follow through on that threat.' He opened the door and swung Doug out not caring if he got hurt, he then shut the door, locked it from the inside and turned to Penelope who stood with angry tears streaming her face. 'Baby girl...' He said touching her arm.

'Don't touch me.' She whispered. 'As much as I want you to, I just don't want to hate you like I hate him right now.'

'Talk to me Pen.' He watched her shake her head. 'Come on, I'm in this for the long haul, I want to know what's making you so angry, and why you hate him so much.' He told her concerned. 'I want to know everything Penelope, so I can help you the best I can.' It was then Penelope reached out and took his hand and led him to the couch.

'Me and Doug, we... we were engaged, my mom and dad loved him, we'd been together years but after my parents died, he, well, snapped and he used to beat me for no reason.' Now it was Derek's turn to see red. 'I couldn't leave him because as much as I wanted to, I loved him.' She was silently crying now, her perfect makeup running streaks down her face. 'The final straw came when my best friend came round to see me, she was concerned, no one had seen me for a while and she knew why when I finally opened the door.

I had bruises everywhere and just like that she came in and started packing my bags for me, she was taking me to her house so her and her husband could protect me, look after me, get me some safety.' He wiped her eyes at that time. 'Except, Doug came home just as we were leaving, he pushed me to the floor and went for Kelly, she put up a fight and then he threw her and she hit her head. I went for him but he was too fast.' She bit down hard on her lip and Derek could imagine that if she didn't have red lipstick on her lip would be white from the pressure. 'He locked the front door and dragged me to the kitchen, my hair gripped in his hands and he grabbed a knife, he hadn't seen Kelly get back up but she smashed a vase over his head and in return he swung around and sliced her throat, it wasn't deep but she was bleeding out too much, I put up a fight but he threw me down and beat me and then what felt like eternity he ran when the sirens sounded out.' She was crying more now as she remembered. 'I got to Kelly but I knew I was too late, she was dying there and all I could do was cradle her as she bled out.

She died after a couple of more minutes, just before help got there and she left a husband behind and it was my fault, if she hadn't come round she'd still be alive.'

'Baby girl.' Derek said cradling her in his arms as she sobbed. 'You do realise it wasn't your fault right?' She shook her head. 'You didn't know he'd do that.'

'No but he did and she would still be alive had she not cared so much about me. Me, it was me she came to see, me she came to help and me that let him hurt her.' Derek knew to cease all attempts to make her think differently, he'd try again another time for now he needed to give her this release.

It was after too long of her just clinging to him that she looked up. 'Don't leave me.'

'Didn't plan on it.' He whispered back with a promise in his eyes. He then took her in his arms and laid her down on her bed. Before he did anything else he just laid next to her, cuddling her as they both fell asleep

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

_Derek finds that night amusingly loveable. Our first night we slept together. _

_I guess he was right._

_We slept next to one another, holding one another, clinging to the one love we had all night. Fully dressed and, you know what? Nothing felt better than waking up the next morning._

_It had been the first night without a guilty nightmare._

_Doug thought he was clever with his reappearances but he underestimated me, and Derek and most importantly he underestimated what my family would do._

_Now was time to tell all._

_I knew I couldn't get Doug done without him coming back, so now was the one time I wished he would. So I could get him for everything. _

_For Kelly._

_For me._

_For Derek._

_For our future._

_If Doug remained uncaught, then he would be a shadow. A haunting shadow that would live with me for eternity._

_That I couldn't live with._

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-


	5. Seeds Of Doubt

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

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_So as luck would have it, Doug came back but as misfortune would have it, he didn't come back in ways that we could get him._

_No._

_He came back in the form of changing my apartment around, leaving flowers behind, leaving me gifts. The thing is, he busted the door every time so my expenses sky rocketed._

_That was until I got offered a place to stay at Emily's, at JJ's, even at Reid's, Rossi's and Hotch's but the only place I felt safest was at Derek's._

_That first night I tried desperate to get rid of all inhibitions, to be carefree because Derek loved me but I was worried that if we took our relationship up a step that'd be it._

_I wouldn't be beautiful._

_I wouldn't be stunning._

_I wouldn't be curvy._

_I'd be the fat one. _

_I really shouldn't doubt._

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

Derek sat back on the couch, pulling Penelope close, Clooney at their feet happily. Derek smiled at the sight, he's own form of domesticated bliss.

He could tell from the way Penelope kept tensing that something was on her mind so began kissing her, starting with a gentle peck before nibbling and then as he reached her lips she pulled away. 'Pen?' He said sitting up next to her. 'What's up?'

'Nothing.'

'Yes there is, what's wrong?'

'Nothing.' She repeated in a toneless voice.

'Was I moving things too quickly along?' He asked worried and she shook her head. 'Do you want me to back off?'

'God no!' She told him and he looked at her confused. 'Remember I said I didn't have a lot of luck with men?' Derek nodded noiselessly at her. 'That's because of me Derek.'

'What do you mean... because of you?'

She sighed; she thought that the idea of spending a night with Derek intimately would be easier than this. 'Yes me, the way I look.'

'You're beautiful.'

'With clothes on.' She grumbled and stood up but he grabbed her hand gently and she spun around, surprised that Derek was standing over her. He kissed her and it knocked her worries and doubts aside a bit. 'Derek.' She said in amongst gasps for air from the kiss. 'Don't.'

'I'll make you believe how beautiful you are.' He told her and led her to his bedroom. 'It's been a long time coming, you need to stop doubting yourself baby girl.' He said with a smile, the one he knew she loved the most. 'I'm in love with you and I refuse to keep it a celibate relationship.'

'Derek...' She started again while he pulled his top off, then hers, her hands traced his body, every ripple, every toned muscles and she felt alive, felt driven but she panicked, she thought of herself as the polar opposite of him in the fitness department.

'No Penelope, I made a few realisations, my life would suck without you, my soul would be darkened, my happiness gone without you and all I've wanted is you. I can see what Doug's doing to you, how it's bringing you down and I want you to feel the love of a man that loves you whole-heartedly. Love from a man that wants nothing more than to make you feel the commitment he has for you.' And just like that Penelope was putty in his hands. Her doubts gone, as were his clothes and hers. She stood there waiting for the rejection as his hands ran up and down her body. 'Beautiful.' He whispered and kissed her before pulling her down to the bed taking time to devour her piece by piece.

Come morning Penelope sucked in a deep breath and stretched slightly, it was when she realised the stretch was difficult that Derek had his arms around her still.

'Morning beautiful.' He said in a gravelly voice that only mornings cause. 'Now do you have a doubt?'

'Mm... No.' She whispered as she snuggling into his warm chest. 'Not one at all.'

'Good because you are curvy and beautiful and seriously sensual.' He laughed as he felt her cheek get hotter. 'Why are you blushing?'

'It's the best I've ever had.' She told him and couldn't help but giggle.

'Again?' He asked teasingly serious. Penelope sat up and looked up at him and then looked bashful before he lured her to him again so they could play before they had to head off to work.

'You look flustered baby girl.'

'No idea why eh hot stuff?'

'None whatsoever.'

'Hmm, let's just say I'm please with the length of little Derek.' She said before leaving him at the door of the bullpen completely spellbound with how she let the words slip in a seductive whisper, a smirk on her lips and her red lips hardly moving. He shook his head smirked with images of the night before and entered the room.

Penelope praised the work load of the day for two main reasons. Firstly, it stopped her from being drawn into what had happened last night. How one man caressed her perfectly, hit her spots perfectly and how he made her feel whole for the first time in 16 years, the feeling of wholeness that had only widened since her parents deaths.

Secondly, it stopped any crushing thought of Doug to pop into her head. It allowed her the time to just do what she was good at and she liked that about work. It gave her respite from things she had no control over.

She jumped when a knock rang out on the door but she smiled as she recognised it instantly. 'Come in my chocolate hunk of love.'

'Oh new nickname?' Derek asked as he entered the room. 'I don't want to burst this bubble but we have case.'

'Knew it was long awaited. Conference room?'

'No we're briefing on the plane.' He said and pulled her into his arms. 'I'm going to miss you baby.'

'I'll miss you too. Can you promise me something?'

'Trade?' She nodded and he prompted her to continue.

'Stay safe please?'

'Always... and you too yeah? Any problems with Doug, call me.'

She nodded with agreement. 'Where's this one then?'

'Orlando.'

Penelope sighed. 'Okay... work face going on, personal matters are not supposed to affect me at work.' She smiled. 'I'm guessing it's bad if there's no in house briefing.'

'Exactly, we'll webcam you on the place.' She nodded and he kissed her passionately. 'I love you.'

'I love you too.' She told him and she watched him leave. Then she realised their lunch date just fell back and she wasn't desperate to go to cafeteria on her own so when lunch came round and she knew she had at least a 20 minute window to get lunch she grabbed her purse and left the building to go make a quick stop at the local shop.

She wandered back in the sun and thought to Derek, finally letting it consume her until she was pulled down a side alley. She dropped her bag and gasped when she was smacked into the wall by her throat.

'Have fun last night?' Doug asked her and she watched him, her mind froze, clenched with inability at shock filling her. 'Make you feel loved... you never know he might get bored yet. Might find a reason to deviate from you, go for the skinny things that prowl at night for men like your black man.' Doug said with venom.

'Get off me.' Penelope squirmed against the discomfort from the hand on her throat as he pushed against her windpipe in a bid to silence her. 'Doug.' Now she panicked, her hands finally taking commands and gripped his hand, her eyes watering. 'D-Doug.'

'D-Doug.' He mocked. 'I'll always have the better strength out of us two Penny. Just remember that.' He let go of her and she slumped slightly against the wall.

'You dick!' She said and smacked him in plain sight of a random passerby; they looked in shock as Doug made it look like she'd attacked him.

'You bitch! I did nothing to you.' Doug said and smirked as the person carried on grabbing their phone from their pocket.

'I meant it Doug, leave me alone.' It was then what he first said to her clicked. 'How do you know what I did last night?'

He laughed. 'Spies... everywhere Penelope. Remember that. I'll always know.' He smirked and left her. 'I should be in the right mind to get you done for assault Penelope.' He said and disappeared.

Seething Penelope just left and went back to her office, ignoring everyone she could. It was then she looked at the time and clicked open the screen swearing, however she forgot about what she must look like and swore again when Hotch Derek and Rossi looked angered and the others looked worrying.

'What happened to you?'

'It's nothing.'

'Like hell its nothing, Garcia you have a hand mark on your throat and don't tell us you haven't been crying.' Hotch said wanting answers.

'Doug and let's just say if you find me done for GBH you know who to hunt down and kill right?'

'Why you?'

'I slapped him and someone saw... but come on case?' She changed the subject, any more speaking and she would've broke that she was alone in Quantico, and she was not about to let some Unsub carry on a bigger reign of terror than Doug was causing her.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

_I did feel loved that night. 100% gratified that I had a man that loved me. _

_Wholly convinced on the matter._

_But Doug popped up and planted the seed of doubt. The red demon in him gaining power from each reappearance._

_So yeah, I didn't get away with not seeing him but he didn't press charges, maybe he realised the bounty over him was a higher price to pay than even trying to get me done._

_Derek rang like nearly every hour after that, checking on me, vowing to get Doug, begging me to go to them so I was closer. _

_My thought was that I was not going to be run out of my home, my state, not for Doug._

_Maybe that was my mistake._

_But all I had to do was wait this case out and I'd be okay._

_Right?_

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-


	6. The Influential Attack

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**A/N:**_ Rated M because well you'll see!

Be aware it's aggressive!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

_5 weeks, 2 days, 17 hours, 54 minutes and 02 seconds was up._

_The case was nearing an end and I was exhausted, the team were exhausted and my _friend_ had left me alone._

_Thankfully._

_Well I suppose you guessed I've made a lot of misjudgements about Doug in the past 5 weeks right?_

_This had to be the worse._

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

Penelope closed her computers down, she sighed with relief, she knew the team had finished up, that they were homeward bound and now she was under strict instructions to get home, well to Derek's, and get some sleep and to be honest she couldn't wait to lay on the big bed and wrap up in sheets that smelt like Derek.

She left the office on a high and drove in the same mood she even smiled as she saw Derek's place come into view. She parked up as usual and got out, grabbing her stuff she headed in, stopping to dig the key out.

Doug slammed his body into hers, inner praise rising as he got the timing precise and as their bodies connected it flew her threw the door making it easier to get in and shut the door, a hand pressed over her mouth to keep her quieten and he smirked at her weakening.

'Surprise love.' He told her and made her lock the door before he took the key. He then kissed her and deepened it when she rejected it and began to push him away. 'I told you I was stronger than you.' He pulled her threw the house her fighting back, fighting for a release and she nearly got it but she lost her balance and fell hitting her head. 'Perfect.' He said as her eyes remained closed and he searched the house, when he got back he pulled Penelope slightly out and saw her coming to. Thoughts of the past came to him and he recreated it, supplying a heftier beating to her. He then got down next to her as she awoke and she coughed as the aftermaths riddled with her body.

'Get away from me.' Penelope whispered. 'Leave me alone.'

'Sorry no can do love.' He told her stroking her face, blood matting in her hair, he then looked down at her, saw her shaking and he smirked again at her fear, her pain. 'There's something I've missed the feeling of.' He said and began ripping her clothes a part.

'No!' Penelope screamed out and then thought but she hadn't really been on the receiving end of all his strength, she didn't know his fall capability. 'No!' She yelled out again and again. 'No!' She yelled a final time as he completed his evil deed and raped her, smiling the whole time while Penelope sobbed, her control gone as she lay pinned beneath him, helpless to his act. It was then headlights turning into the drive stopped him. He climbed off her, leaving her alone.

'You dare let him know I'm here...' He didn't end the threat as a key slide in the door and Penelope sat up, pulling the clothes around her, she couldn't cover this up, she couldn't get to a room fast enough to change. She panicked then as she looked up and saw the darkened form of Derek as he entered the room. He turned the light on, he must have thought that because it was late she was asleep, and all lights being out when he arrived would only verify that thought.

His eyes widened as he saw Penelope who broke into sobs as the light came on illuminating her and her blooded state. 'Baby girl.' He said before Doug slipped behind him and pushed a knife in his back, he withdrew and Derek instinctively turned and swung a punch, successfully getting Doug who stumbled slightly but drove the knife into Derek's stomach, he withdrew and repeated himself as shock filled Derek. Penelope screamed at Doug to stop as Derek finally fell.

She ran forward the best she could, Doug getting her in the process with the knife. He then threw the knife before pulling Penelope off the weakening Derek. 'Get off me.' She gasped angrily.

'No way... it was too good before he got here...' Before he could do anything Derek slammed into him, his stamina breaking down but his urge to protect Penelope strove higher and higher.

The fight continued in the kitchen, crashing occurred and Doug, who had obviously thought ahead, got near the knives and grabbed one and lashed out again, Derek gaining defensive wounds until Doug gave blows to Derek's already wounded stomach, it was then Derek collapsed in a heap on the kitchen floor, leaving Penelope unguarded.

Doug found Penelope in the bedroom; she successfully hid a phone under the bed after calling the police in a mad panic. He laughed. 'Ironic this.' He grabbed her by her hair in an act of panic, threw her about to get what he wanted, the sadistic pleasure of hurting her, causing her more pain. He then finally got the evil act done again and again and after pulling his heavy, sweaty body off her again he dragged her to the front room. He threw her down near the knife and grabbed it before doing as he pleased with it. He then raped her for the umpteenth time before Penelope managed to grab the lead of the lamp and pulled it off into her grasp and before he could react slammed it over Doug's head rendering him unconscious. She then used the knife and stabbed him in the heart, forgetting about him she pulled herself into the kitchen as she heard sirens getting closer outside and began cradling Derek's body.

Sobbing as the past was happening all over again. She grabbed a towel from near the washing machine and pushed it to Derek's stomach.

'Derek... you can't make this be it.' She said painfully quieten. 'You can't die this way.' He remained unresponsive and in turn she broke more. 'I need you to live.' She knew that wouldn't happen as she looked at the blood pool she was sitting in and she got scared all over again. 'I'm so sorry... this was my problems and you, well not yours and you're hurt and it's not fair.' She said watching him as the sirens got closer and closer. 'This is all my fault.'

It was then Derek groaned and his eyes opened a bit and the sirens stopped getting closer as the lights filtered in through the window. 'Pen.'

'I'm here.' She said in a stronger voice putting on a facade for him. 'You're going to be okay.'

'And you?' He groaned.

'Oh handsome, I'm fine.' She lied, gritting the pain away. 'Let's focus on you.' She ignored her own aching body, he was her concern. She could be sorted elsewhere.

'I love you.'

She was crying now, I love you's in these situations were always goodbyes. 'I love you too.' She responded without wanting to. It was then the police and EMT's arrived and the pair were separated.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-

_So there you have it, he did the ultimate act. Doug did the one thing he knew would hurt me the most._

_But then I killed him. I avenged for my past, for my present. I didn't feel good for it; I was on his level now._

_And Derek? Well it was more than hurt. He was so close to being gone it was scary. _

_I think that's what influenced me the most. _

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-


	7. The Realisation Of The Done Deeds

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

* * *

_Head injury. Broken ribs. Gashes. Bruised bones. Stab wounds. Defence wounds. Force marks from..._

_Well you know what._

_I didn't sleep naturally, I didn't lose consciousness. I didn't do anything._

_All the ride to the hospital I prayed for unconsciousness to elope me. Take me somewhere painless._

_I was empty._

_I wasn't near Derek._

_The last I heard was that he was rushed to theatre._

_Now I had to ring Hotch, I didn't want anyone else doing it._

_But the thing was, I was going to be made to sleep, to help with my injuries I had to sleep, I had to let the darkness take over. _

_Except at that moment I didn't want it._

* * *

When Penelope opened her eyes there was a harsh bright light, well 2, natural and artificial. It was in that instant she remembered where she was. A hospital. She closed her eyes as images came to her but opened them hastily as the images continued on more vivid with her eyes closed. She felt tears build and fall and then heard someone's breath.

She pushed herself up scared that it was Doug but was met with the worried faces of Hotch and Emily, she broke completely then.

'Pen.' Emily said sitting on the bed gently taking Penelope's hand. 'How you feeling?'

She shrugged. 'Where's Derek?'

'He's down in the ICU with the others.' Hotch told her. 'You might be allowed down later today.'

Penelope nodded at that, she didn't know if she wanted to see him like that. 'Have you called his mom and sister?'

'Next possible flight isn't until Thursday morning.' Hotch said leaning in. 'But we managed to get one for them for tomorrow night.' Hotch spoke with a warm tone to her, keeping her calm. 'Penelope are you up for discussing what happened? We wouldn't ask but we need your statement.'

'Is he dead?'

'Yes.'

'He must've been hiding, he... he slammed into me as I unlocked the door and got me inside. He was just dragging me around like he used and I was so close to getting free but I lost my footing somehow and fell and when I woke up he was next to me while I tried to get some air into my lungs and then he...' It was the full blown tears came and fell.

'Hey Pen you can skip it and continue.' Emily soothed.

'He only got off me because Derek turned up and Derek saw me but Doug he had a knife and stabbed Derek, Derek swung round but Doug got him in the stomach over and over again. When I saw Derek fall I knew I had to get to him but while I did Doug stabbed me and then dragged me off to r- rape me again but Derek got him off me and then they went into the kitchen fighting.' Penelope closed her eyes. 'I rang the police and just as Doug came back in I hid the phone under the bed.

He grabbed me again and threw me into things before raping me on the bed and then he took me to the front room and got the knife and I don't know what he did but it looked like he was playing a game and then raped me again before I had a chance to get hold of the lamp and then I...' Penelope's eyes widened. 'I killed him.' She cried again at that thought.

'Hey it's okay.'

'No it's not! I killed someone! What's going to happen to me?'

'Nothing Penelope.' Hotch said standing up next to the bed. 'It was in self defence.'

* * *

_So there you have it, he did the ultimate act. Doug did the one thing he knew would hurt me the most._

_But then I killed him. I avenged for my past, for my present. I didn't feel good for it; I was on his level now._

_And Derek? Well it was more than hurt. He was so close to being gone it was scary. _

_I think that's what influenced me the most. _


	8. Making Matters Worse

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

* * *

A/N: So I was sorting out my folders, and I realised I had one too many documents for this story! I only DIDN'T put this chapter in between Chapters 7 and 8!

So I'm rectifying it, right now!

The REAL chapter 8!

* * *

_I didn't run far. My place. Far eh?_

_I got there, I wanted to wash, to clean, to remove the feeling of scum off me. Make me feel less like a victim, less like a murderer._

_Make me feel more like Penelope. The woman that didn't desert her family when they needed her._

_I was Penelope Garcia, victim, murderer, coward, deceiver, moron, selfish._

_That's not how I am. That's not who I am._

_That's who Doug made me._

* * *

'Penelope.' Derek mumbled in a pained, confused, protective tone. 'Penelope.' He spoke again as his eyes opened and closed in adjustment to the light.

'What do we tell him?' Someone whispered.

'The truth.'

'What's happened?' Derek said closing his arms as pains ricocheted throughout him. 'Where's Penelope?' He was alert now; the need to know took over him in an instant.

'Derek, Penelope's disappeared.' Hotch's voice came from Derek's left and he looked at the boss and saw the worry stretched across his face. 'She was here, in the hospital but she took off.'

'Took off? Why would she do that? I need her.' Derek said sitting up a bit in a panic. 'I need her here, to tell me she's okay.'

'She's not going to.' Hotch told him as he saw Derek look ready to break. 'She'd even taken the IV out of her hand.'

'How bad was she?'

'Derek let's let you get some rest.' Fran stepped in worrying about her son.

'No, how bad was she?'

'Bad enough.'

Derek pressed a hand to his stomach, all narcotics weakened in his blood as he panicked about Penelope. 'No, what did that son of a bitch do to her?'

'He beat her up pretty bad, she had a bad head injury, some ribs got broken, too much bruising, some stab wounds, defence wounds and he...' Hotch couldn't finish, none of this he had spoken before, he'd heard it from the doctor and Penelope but no one had asked him to pass on Penelope's injuries.

'And?' Derek gasped painfully.

'Doug raped her.'

'What!' Derek's anger rocketed and he felt the pains rip through him with the movement. 'Please tell me it wasn't after he got me.'

Hotch nodded solemnly. 'Before you got home originally and the rest when he was done with you but Penelope did what she had to, she killed him.'

'She killed him?'

'Yeah, she wanted him off her, so she could get you help but now she's feeling guilty. Not just for killing Doug but for what's happened to you.'

'Shit.' Derek said pushing back into the pillow. 'Is she not at mine or hers? I mean her stuffs at mine, and if she's that hurt, she can't be that far... right?'

'We've checked, she's not at either.' Hotch said and felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he stood and left the room, entering the room after only a couple of minutes. 'Seems she's been to her place but considering everything she's doing a good job at hiding.' Hotch told them and looked at Derek. 'Get some rest Derek; it's going to do no help making yourself worse when you can do nothing.'

* * *

_So I might have made matters worse._

_Made Derek's health even worse._

_Sure as hell made mine worse._

_But I had to do what I had to do._


	9. Being Found Blamed

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

* * *

_If I ever get called a hard head I think I'll have to agree._

_2 days had never dragged so long in my life._

_2 days without the efficient level of pain relief. _

_2 days without proper sleep._

_2 days without a single moment to myself. My thoughts have over ruled me._

_2 days without knowing how he is._

_2 more days of blame._

* * *

'This is ridiculous... she can't have just disappeared.' Derek said after 2 days of trying not to lose it. Half the time he was glad for drugs, they spaced him out, relaxed him into sleep but now 2 days later he was able to take control of some of his own pain control and he didn't want to be like that, he wanted answers. 'Go back to her place at a different time.'

'What like now?'

'Yeah, you've said it yourself, you've been checking daily, but only once well go several, she can't hide all the time.'

'Right me and Rossi will go, the others can give you and your family some alone time while they get something eat.' Hotch ordered and everyone left.

Then Derek was just left with his mom and sisters and he felt his mask slipping so he put his head back onto the pillow more and closed his eyes, feeling his heart bleeding. 'Derek?' His mom's scared voice came. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah... I'm just worried about her.' He looked up at them. 'I suppose you need to know this from me but me and Penelope we well are together now.' He said with a smile. 'Coming up 5 weeks and I've never been happier and I tried everything I could to protect her from him but he was too good and it's just I'm scared of what she's going to do.

She's not one to hurt anyone and for her to kill someone, she's going to be playing her own worst enemy now and me being hurt, she's going to blame herself for that too.' He ran a hand over his face. 'I just wished I could get up and help find her.'

'Well we can go if you want? We can all see what her not being around is doing to everyone.'

'No it's okay... the team will have it under control.'

Hotch and Rossi opened the door like they'd done for the last couple of days and walked in. It smelt highly like disinfectant. They heard crying and knew they'd found her at last.

Hotch took the lead and they found Penelope in the corner crying painfully. 'Penelope.'

'Leave me alone.'

'No can do Penelope.' Hotch said crouching in front of her. 'There's a man at the hospital that is highly worried about you.'

'How can he be? I put him there.'

Hotch put his hand out for her to take. 'Come on.'

'I feel dirty.' Penelope sobbed. 'I want to wash off any feeling I have, I need to get Doug off me, the thought of Derek touching me hurts and it shouldn't.'

'Penelope, we'll help you get the help you need but you really should be in the hospital, getting the treatment you need.'

'I'm sorry.' Penelope sobbed as she listened to the gentle tones of Hotch's voice, the caring note to it. 'I thought you'd hate me.'

'None of this is your fault, so none of us blame you in the slightest for it. Least of all Derek. That man has been going crazy not knowing where you are. Let's get you back, the girls can stay while you have a shower and you can get fresh bandages.... deal?' Penelope slowly nodded before taking Hotch's hand and allowed him to help her up. 'Why wouldn't you come to us if you were feeling this?'

'I killed someone; I got one of our own hurt.'

'Yeah but that one of our own loves you Penelope, much more than you know, so don't doubt us. We pass no blame, we just worry the most about you... do you realise how badly you could've compromised your recovery?'

'I don't know but I sure feel it.' She said as she got into the SUV with 2 men in her life that made her feel loved and protected even when acting like body guards.

When they got to the hospital Hotch took Penelope's hand in his, more for support than anything but he wanted her to know that he was ready to catch her if she fell and he was there if she needed the comfort and reassurance.

'Derek or pain relief?'

'I- I don't know.'

'Let's go to Derek first and then I'm sticking around while we get you re-admitted.' Hotch offered the offer while Rossi updated the team. They walked the corridors and Hotch led Penelope into Derek's room, she froze then.

Derek was asleep, and his mom and sisters looked up at her with shock and awe. Penelope looked down then up, anywhere but at those 3 women that stuck to Derek's side. She pulled away and walked out of the room; Hotch shot a worried glance at Fran and left after her. 'Penelope?'

'She must hate me.' Penelope said scratching herself in a mental attempt to rid the feeling of filth from her once again. 'Look what's happened to her son.' Penelope muttered tearfully. 'I just... he can't love me after this.'

'Penelope.' Came Fran's voice from behind them, she took in Penelope's weakened frame as Penelope turned and looked at the woman that reminded her so much of Derek. 'Come here.' She then gently wrapped her arms around Penelope in a motherly embrace. 'None of this is your fault; you are as much a victim in this as Derek is. What that man did to you was vicious and undignified and if you hadn't have killed him I'm sure we all would've loved to, especially Derek.' Penelope was crying even more, the connotation that it wasn't her fault fitting in more and more. 'Now come on, let's get you sorted yeah?'

'But... Derek, he... you don't know me.'

'No but any woman my son loves is a woman I'll love and I think I love you like a daughter already.' Fran said warmly and put her hand out. 'Come on, you look in pain there.' Penelope took the feeling that Fran gave her, the feeling that made her feel loved again, the filth slipping away with the added love from everyone.

* * *

_Acceptance wasn't something that I expected._

_Hostility._

_Avoidance._

_Damnation._

_Yes._

_Love, warmth, concern, acceptance was far from it. But that's what I got._

_Now I just needed it from the one place I yearned for it._

_That was my biggest challenge._

_Let Derek in, let him love me, let him heal me._


	10. Beautiful Nightmare

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

* * *

_That didn't know how hard I'd scrubbed until I left the bathroom._

_The hospital were not impressed with my stint._

_I knew they wouldn't be._

_I was a danger to my health according to them._

_True, I'll give them that._

_Now I have to do counselling sessions._

_That was a given._

_I'm seriously messed up, but then I think Derek._

_He'll sort my head out._

* * *

'You shouldn't have scrubbed so hard Penelope.' Fran berated Penelope as the nurse reapplied new bandages, Penelope just took it in. It'd been too long since she had someone mother her. She said next to Penelope when the nurse left and placed a hand on her arm. 'Are you okay?'

'I guess so.'

'When was the last time you slept properly?' Fran was even more concerned with Penelope after she bled her heart dry about who Doug was and her past, she felt now more than ever to help protect this one woman.

'I don't know, I tried to at mine but every time I did the pains set in or I kept dreaming about losing him or Doug winning.'

'You do realise he didn't right?'

'I seriously thought I'd lost my best friend again.' Penelope didn't realise she was crying again until Fran pulled her into her arms. 'I love him so much.'

'And he loves you so much too Penelope... it's nearly killed him in here without knowing where you are.'

'I just panicked and did what I know what to do... but that's hurt him even more.'

'Come on... you are going to see him.' Fran said and Penelope smiled at the hold this one woman had over her. 'I'll drag the girls out.' Penelope nodded and stood gingerly taking Fran's hand, Penelope's breathing raced. 'What's up?'

'It's just tight and painful.' Penelope replied gaining some composure. 'The doctor said my breathing would get worse before it got better.'

When they reached Derek's door Penelope pulled back but Fran didn't withstand the hesitation she walked in, her hand in Penelope's and Derek looked up shocked, his eyes stuck firmly on Penelope. Fran looked at her son. 'I found someone you might like to see.'

Derek then smiled and pushed up. 'Baby girl... where have you been?'

'Hiding.'

'Des, Sarah, lunch now.' Fran said as her 2 daughters exuded hostility at Penelope, then eyes unforgiving, Fran knew she had to tell her daughters everything, Penelope was family now, with or without Derek. 'Now.' She reinforced and the girls got up and left. 'Sit down Penelope, you're exhausted.' She then left with a smile on her face.

Penelope looked down again, at the IV that was uncomfortably place in her hand, the urge to fiddle it there. 'I'm sorry.' She whispered, and cursed herself as the tears fell again.

'You've got nothing to be sorry for P.'

Penelope's head snapped up. 'Nothing to be sorry for? Look at you!' Penelope snapped. 'You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me! I wouldn't be fighting the urge to just hug you because of what he did to me if it wasn't because of me!'

'Penelope Garcia stop this now!' Derek yelled back. 'What he did will make me want to kill him all over again but this is not going to destroy it, not unless you're willing it to and are you?'

'It's already done that... I thought I'd lost you.'

'But you haven't and you aren't going to.' Derek said sincerely. 'Do you have to sit so far away?'

'I'm scared.' She saw his features present dead set confusion. 'I don't want to hate your touch.' He saw her look devastated at the fact. 'I can't get myself to feel clean, I scrubbed so hard but nothing worked... I can't wash Doug off me.'

'Maybe it's my touch you need goddess.' Derek said to her, he watched her look at him, almost scared to move. 'Come on.' He held his hand out to her, she slowly raised from the chair her breathing racing as she knocked herself with unsteadiness and she walked the small distance to him and perched next to him, and Derek grabbed her hand. 'You're shaking.'

'Well so would you if you were me.' Penelope said quietly. 'I tried to stop him getting you I really did but he... after he...'

'It's okay baby girl, you don't have to go into details.' He said to her as her eyes watered. 'Unless you want to talk to me.' Penelope nodded. 'Well I'm all ears.'

'I tried so hard to stop him but he, he raped me there and then you came home and he stopped and I didn't think he would stab you! The problem was I couldn't move when he kept doing it and when I did I thought I was too late.' Penelope looked at Derek now and felt her heart twist as Derek sat staring at her, tears running down his face. 'I- I seriously saw my past happening again and when I was holding you in the kitchen I didn't want it to be it, I wanted so much more from you and as selfish as it was I would've never forgiven you for dying on me.'

'I would've never forgiven myself.'

Penelope laughed. 'Like you'd be able to, you'd be away from me.' She then turned serious on him. 'If you don't want me anymore I don't blame you, I wouldn't want me, I don't want me.'

'Hey! Will you stop this. There is nothing wrong with you! I love you Penelope, more now for what you did, you closed part of your life down, you stood up to Doug. I might have been hurt but I'd do it all again to protect you. Plus you got hurt more than me, maybe more.' Penelope laughed in disagreement but Derek remained undeterred. 'But we'll get through this together because that's what partners do, they help one another.' Penelope sat staring now, the urge for crying gone, the dirty feeling near minimal now. 'Now get that chair and sit in it because you look in pain... and don't think about hiding it because I know every injury you've got even down to a broken nail.'

* * *

_I let him in. _

_The best thing I did since this beautiful nightmare began._

_A nightmare for the beginning and ending of it._

_Beautiful for bringing me and Derek together. Beautiful for showing me I am loved by a man._

_We just sat there for a while, hand in hand, but soon I finally fell asleep._

_No guilty nightmare again. Just happy dreams._

_All thanks to my best friend, my saviour, my hot stuff, my everything._


	11. Underestimated Fate

Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

* * *

**READ THIS AUTHOR'S NOTE! TIS IMPORTANT!**

A/N: Right, this is going to be confusing! Yes you HAVE read this chapter, I forgot to add chapter 8 in! So I skipped a part of the story!

So go back! :D

It's there now!

Apologises!

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_I hardly moved the next few days._

_I accepted drugs as and when they were offered._

_Slept as they swam my veins and all because it was better than aggravating my pains._

_When I did see Derek, I ended up sleeping and so by day 4 of that rhythm I stuck where I was._

_In the hard lumpy bed and just stared out of the window._

_Sleeping when it was needed, watching the life go by with each minute when it wasn't._

_Call me crazy or depressed or suffering post traumatic stress._

_I saw it as my way of recuperating._

_My own way of giving my mind and body a complete rest._

* * *

'She not moved yet?' Derek asked as he managed to sidle of the bed for the first time in days, he paused as he winced.

'She's sleeping a lot.'

'That's got to be a good thing right?' Derek asked hopeful.

'I think everything's hitting her now.' Fran said as she stood near her son. 'It's taken it all out of her... she whispers for you in her sleep to.' Fran continued as Derek finally stood up wincing. 'Is this safe?'

'I need to get mobile again, I'm dressed, thank God and I want to see Pen.'

'We aren't stopping you are we?'

'No way.' Derek said with a cheeky grin. 'It's not that far anyway, you've said that.'

'Fine, come on then.' Hotch said and led the way out of the room, he then waited for Derek, knowing that he could flank Derek more supportively than Fran. Not long after they made it to Penelope's room, they all hovered by the door while Derek went in, he went to the other side of the bed and smiled.

'Hey handsome.' Penelope said sleepily but with an evident smile.

'Hey baby girl... thought I'd surprise you seeing as I haven't seen you for a day.'

'Having withdrawal symptoms?'

'Something like that.' He said sitting down gingerly, before pulling the chair closer to the bed and taking her hand. 'How you doing?' He watched her shrug.

'I'm just tired, that's all. It'll pass.' Penelope and smiled even more as Derek took her hand in his. 'I'd rather pay you visit than see you in pain.'

'The sooner I get mobile the sooner I get out; I've asked to leave the same day as you.' He smiled at her and saw her move with closed eyes. 'You sure you're okay?'

She nodded. 'I just ache like hell that's all.' She saw him press her for more; he really wanted to know all he could. 'My ribs are killing me.' She admitted. 'I'm sore all over, but I'm sure it'll pass, maybe if I just walked a bit.'

'No, you are staying there for a bit, I brought people with me.'

'Let me guess, Hotch, Fran, Des and Sarah…'

'You'd be correct.' Derek said and looked at them; they took that as their cue and entered the room with smiles as Penelope sat upright.

'Isn't it going to be a little hectic what with us both off?'

'We'll cope Penelope.' Fran said as she sat on the bed. 'You look a little flushed, bit like Derek did when he got up.'

'He has more of a reason to be resting up...' Penelope said and looked at Derek. 'How about you go back and I'll come down?'

'Na uh baby girl... I'm here now.' Derek replied relaxing into the seat more. 'So how hard headed have you been?'

'I'll vouch for her here... she hasn't been.' Hotch said, he had stuck by Penelope the most. 'She's using the drugs wisely, it's good to see.'

'It's good to hear that too... you going to be less hard headed from now on?'

'What do you think?' Penelope said with a slight grin on her lips, she saw Derek smile back at her. 'You know the answer to that.'

'I do... and if I have anything to say about it, you'll be less hard headed for the rest of your life.'

'Oh is that a promise?'

'Okay! Before this chat goes further we are leaving to get lunch... we'll bring back decent food but have that chat alone yeah?

Penelope and Derek watched everyone leave the room, Hotch shutting the door as he went. 'Well that was easy.'

'Just make a nauseating scene for everyone to watch.' Penelope teased. 'And they leave.'

'I'm glad they did, I do want to have a chat.'

'Should I be worried?'

'No... well it depends, but I'd say no don't be.'

'Well what is it then?'

'Will you lay down first?'

'I'm fine and if we're talking I want to look at you properly so I'm staying put.' She told him and shifted to look at him more. 'Go on... where is this chat going?'

'I want to know are you still blaming yourself?' He watched her look down. 'Penelope... my mom told me that you've been saying my name in the night, even Hotch told me.'

'I just keep reliving it, I see him getting you on repeat and I feel the heaviness of him on me and I can't breathe and I panic... I just feel if I'd try harder back when he first came, like maybe if I hadn't gone to lunch with him I wouldn't have opened the door to let him in.'

'You do know that you shouldn't feel guilty for doing what you thought was right don't you?'

'Now I do... it'll take some time to truly believe it but I do and I guess I've got enforcers from all angles whether I like it or not.'

Derek smiled. 'I'm your hardest one... no getting rid of me!' She smiled at him as he said that. 'I know we've only started this type of relationship recently but I thought I'd lost you, I was scared that I'd never get you back and I want to stake my claim on you baby girl... I want to be the only one with the right to protect you through and through, to wake up to you curled into my side, head on my chest, your breath tickling me as you sleep, I want you to be my last sight at night.' Derek said with a smile. All the while Penelope's eyes watered.

'Thank you.'

'For what?'

'Making me realise a few things.'

'It's the truth baby girl.' Derek said grabbing her hand. 'What happened wasn't an omen that we aren't meant to be here, in this type of relationship, it's a test to show our love for one another.'

Penelope gasped as she looked at him. 'You think?'

'The way I see baby girl is that you underestimated our fate.' He then stood up slowly, and kissed her, she knew then that he was telling the truth, he'd never lie to her, and right there she remembered the saying she was brought up to believe, everything happens for a reason.

* * *

_Underestimated our fate._

_What a sentence._

_That summed everything up. It made me feel whole._

_Made me realise that everything we had gone through was worth it._

_We needed the tests of time, the tests of the past to gain in strength, become one._

_We needed to become dependent on one another as much as we needed to become independent on each other._

_Underestimated fate sealed it for me._

_I was wrong. Too wrong and in the end I nearly ruined it all. _

_Not just for me._

_But for Derek too._

_Underestimated Fate._

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**A/N: **So there's the END! Finito! Complete! Done and dusted!

Hope you enjoyed it!


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